I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
