dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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