I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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