Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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