i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
