Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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