the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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