At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
