Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize