Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
