what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are two peas in an std pod
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
