I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
