He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
