also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize