Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
