Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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