i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
