my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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