This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
