Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize