He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
