wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
