I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
