You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
