Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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