my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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