theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
