you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
