you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There r osticjed everywhere
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
