too bad you live with your parents still
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just blew my weed a kiss
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
