He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
honey bunches of taint.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
