Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
