i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
