If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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