My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
