"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
