The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
