Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
