just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
