When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
