Swine flu. Run for my life!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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