there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
