fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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