I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
