God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
