I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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