She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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