so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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