I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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