She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
