I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
