you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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