Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
