If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
