just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
