The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
