I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I smell stomach acid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
