Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
