I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
