I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
