did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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