We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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