My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
