What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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