its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize