the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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