well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
