And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
